Family History and Salvation

So I know you probably think genealogy is for nerds. And you might be right. Kevin and I probably qualify for nerdhood anyway since we are STILL IN SCHOOL by choice! That's ok. We're cool nerds.

Actually though, genealogy and family history are a big deal for a lot of people. Especially the people in the Bible called the Israelites. I've always wondered why the Bible spends so much time describing who was related to who and how so-and-so had this many kids, etc. It dawned on me while I was in Virginia doing, you guessed it, family history research on Kevin's side of the family that family history is important because it describes where you come from. That sounds like a no-brainer, right? But it isn't just where you come from but how you got there. The Israelites had this whole history of God's saving acts. If you look at the various genealogies of the Bible there are subtle hints through names or one sentence descriptions that indicate that God is working behind the scenes to lead His chosen people.

In the Psalms, the writer often constructs a prayer around the saving acts of God but almost in a genealogical way: You (God) brought Abraham out of Ur, You led Isaac, You brought Jacob back from Aram, You led Israel out of Egypt and into the Promised Land, etc. Each generation had a chance to experience God's redeeming love. And each subsequent generation could look back and say, "oh yeah, God guided my parents, my grandparents, and my great-grandparents. I should probably trust Him." Sadly, that wasn't always the way it worked out, but you get the point.

I have a privilege, as a Christian, of claiming that heritage of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. I can also see how God has led, a little closer to my life-time, my own family. My father's grandparents lived in Australia, his parents moved here to America, and he ended up in California at just the right time to meet my mother who had been a missionary's kid in Nepal. Her mother was born in Los Angeles and her father was born in China to missionary parents who were from Canada!! All these people, and countless others before them, had to come into contact with each other in order for me to exist. All these people were Christians who dedicated their lives to God and allowed Him to work in and through them to spread the Gospel. I stand in their heritage, as their child and I look back and think "wow, God can do GREAT things."

Family history isn't just for nerds.

It's not about the nail....

I couldn't help it. This....this is married life....

Weak Spots

I've learned something–now that I have been married ONE YEAR (woot woot!)–that is probably one of the most valuable lessons one can glean from marriage: I am a sinner.

 That's probably not the first thing that popped into your mind. It wasn't the first thing that popped into mine when I got married. Or even several months after the wedding. But this week I realized that there is a lot of darkness inside of me, a lot nastiness that needs to be cleaned out.

I didn't figure this out because Kevin and I had argument. We didn't. I figured it out because I realized that my marriage is a spiritual battleground and I am a prime target for the devil. In the middle of feeling stressed, overwhelmed, tired, upset, you-name-it, I got hit with this barrage of ammo from Mr. Nasty and suddenly realized that I was under attack. Not only was I being attacked but I wasn't winning the fight, I was giving in to all of the accusatory things that the devil was saying about my precious husband.

I stopped short and prayed hard. And prayed again. Relief came only after a long conversation with Kevin that involved prayer and a lot of cuddling.

Despite the fact that I usually feel like a nice person, I have discovered that I have these weak spots, these little cracks in my soul that allow some seriously hot lava to leak out on occasion. Marriage has opened my eyes to the fact that God is not finished with me yet. In fact, I think He might be tackling the rough spots at this very moment.

The Greatest Love Story Ever Animated

This is probably one of the most precious animated videos I have ever seen. It expresses perfectly how I feel about my husband. I wish everyone the joy of experiencing this kind of love.

Weathering "Virgil"

This story is a little late, as it took place almost 3 weeks ago. Ah well, better late than never!

Winter storm "Virgil" was predicted to hit Missouri around the time we were to cross the border from Arkansas to Missouri. Kevin and I faced a 12+ hour drive from Hot Springs, Arkansas back to Michigan. We began early in the morning and as I dragged my still sleeping body to the car, I checked my phone just in case. A text from my mom essentially read "winter storm heading your way, probably best to stay where you are and drive tomorrow." Great! Actually, I was excited at the prospect of getting to stay another day. But Kevin's practicality won out and after I thought for a few minutes about all the homework I needed to get done and the paper I needed to write, I opted for braving the weather. Besides, it would be an adventure. The worst that could happen would be that we would have to pull over and get a hotel. Right?

The first six hours were relatively uneventful. It began to rain a little in Missouri and it was sleeting by the time we entered southern Illinois. Around 3pm, I took over driving and Kevin read a book. The roads were getting slick and I had to drive more and more slowly. 60 mph....50mph.....40mph....... 30mph......20mph.....10mph....stop. Traffic was backed up for almost a mile. There was an accident in one lane, but after passing the accident the speed didn't pick up again. I drove for two hours at the speed of 10 miles an hour, passing car after car that had gone off the road. There were three semis that got stuck on the road itself, their wheels spinning ridiculously on the one-inch layer of ice that covered the road. Kevin and I counted over 30 cars that had gone off the road in the space of the measly 20 miles I covered in two hours.

And then I had to go to the bathroom. Really badly. My mouth always gets kind of dry when I am in the car for several hours and while I had been trying to be temperate about drinking water I discovered that I hadn't been temperate enough. I was ready to split. The only problem was that we hadn't seen an exit or rest area in almost two hours. We finally found an exit with a gas station. 10 miles an hour feels so much slower on a full bladder and I had to slow down on the off-ramp. (Kevin and I had seen cars several hours earlier who had attempted to exit, likely rejoicing that they were going to get off the terrible roads, too quickly for the icy roads. Four cars lined one off-ramp alone.)

We made it to the gas station. It was closed. We tried to get to the gas station across the highway, but a semi had gotten stuck in the middle of the overpass and a car had gotten stuck trying to get around it and then another car....you get the idea... we turned around and headed back to the empty gas station and relieved ourselves behind an abandoned truck. Cue humorous bonding moment.

Kevin took over driving. I kept counting the cars. My mother sat at her computer several hundred miles away watching the progression of the storm and updating us with traffic and accident information. I had reached 70. 70 vehicles upended in the snow; tilting precariously along the side of the road; stranded in the median; hood-first in a snowbank. One SUV took out a fence when it went off the road; the wire hung limply where it had been detached from the wooden posts. The road continued to get worse. A snowplow leaned ditch-ward, its bulky frame blocking the shoulder. A few miles later, another snowplow sat with its shovel underneath a twisted railing. Three snowplows in all out of commission. No wonder the roads were so bad!

Somewhere between 50 and 70 vehicles, I called a hotel and booked a room. It was about 30 miles away when I booked it around 6 pm. It took 2 hours to get there.

We stopped at Panera before checking in at the hotel. They were closing early because of the weather and we barely got our food before they closed. We ate as quickly as we could so the workers wouldn't have to stay and we were not keen on being out after dark even if our hotel was only a few hundred yards away.

The snow in the parking lot of the hotel was so deep that Kevin had to make a parking space for himself by driving back and forth over a spot to ensure we wouldn't get stuck. Fortunately, the hotel had a jacuzzi and we spent several happy minutes thawing out and unwinding from such an intense trip.

What an adventure!

A Taxed Marriage: Tips for Taxes and Newly-weds

Taxes got a whole lot more complicated this year. Half of the year, I lived with my parents as their daughter. The other half of the year, I lived with my husband as his wife. So am I a dependent of my parents? Can I still file jointly with my husband and receive a return or do I have to file married but filing separately?

After spending about two hours of a previously beautiful Sunday morning working on taxes and frustrating my poor husband (because I was trying to do them without him, which didn't work by the way), I began to look for some answers. We were using a tax program which had no problem with the fact that I marked myself as being claimed as a dependent while filing married filing jointly, however a tax agent I talked to DID have a problem and said that I would have to file married filing separately.

Here are a few of the things I found out which, I hope, will benefit some of you poor souls who are also wading in W2s and tuition statements (isn't it disgusting how little we make and how much we owe?).

1) Your parents may benefit by claiming you as a dependent. Benefit A LOT. It might help pay off some of those wedding bills, so be nice and let them claim you.

2) You can still file married filing jointly even if you are claimed as a dependent. According to the IRS there is a handy-dandy test called the "joint return test" which says that you are claimable as a dependent but are able to file married filing jointly ONLY TO CLAIM A REFUND.

 3) It may be to your advantage to file jointly with your spouse because you may have to pay otherwise. Make sure you do the math for both scenarios (married filing separately or married filing jointly) before filing so that you know which option is better ($$$) for you.

4) Don't worry, this is the last year it will be this complicated! That is, until you have kids and they get married.....

5) Here are some handy-dandy websites that may aid you in your tax activities:

"5 End of the Year Tax Tips for Newly Married Couples"

"IRS offering tax tips for the newly married"

And last but not least:

Self-Esteem Machine

It's obvious that grad school and feeling under-the-weather are not conducive to blogging. I have been buried in old books doing research or under the covers trying to get well for the last two weeks. And, sadly, my mind was too busy keeping up with my life to ponder important things like what to write on a blog! BUT! I did do some pondering over the last week on the following topic: advice.

 As an only child, my parents have been my best allies in all kinds of situations. I grew up asking their advice about everything from dating to where to do my phD. Then I got married and, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, I gained a new ally (no use saying "for richer or for poorer" lol). My husband has been my confidant and a fantastic source of advice.

And then I got into a bind. Something came up and I needed advice. I turned to Kevin and my parents. Nothing wrong with that. What bothered me was how many times I asked for advice on the same thing! It was as though I couldn't just take advice and walk away. I needed more. Suddenly, I felt like I needed advice on everything. I felt insecure and vulnerable about making simple decisions like if I needed to go the doctor for something.

I think I unearthed something that, deep down inside, I have struggled with for a while. When my confidence in myself is shaken, it shakes me to the core. I feel that I have lost my ability to think for myself, because I no longer trust myself to think logically. What if my perspective is simply wrong? What if my feelings are imbalanced? In my marriage, I sometimes struggle to communicate my feelings if I am upset about something. Actually, I am like that in almost all my relationships. I am afraid of being wrong, afraid of my feelings being wrong. I've heard that feelings are never wrong, but I'm not convinced (feel free to persuade me).

I spent a good deal of time praying about this, asking God to remove my sense of insecurity to remind me of my worth. Why is it that women struggle so much with their sense of worth? Being married has been one of the greatest blessings in this regard: my sense of worth is constantly affirmed by my husband. He is aware of the fact that I am a bottomless pit for compliments. It makes me wonder how it is for men. Do they struggle with self-worth too? (I'll ask Kevin).